Bye 2010..

2010.. I've had my worst and best moments..

While I try to learn from mistakes I've made, I want to thank you all those people who made my 2010 seemed so sweet..

1. The best family ever, the place I'd like to call home.. Mom, Dad and Putri Avicenna Pratisara..

2. Aonyx, for dreams we share.. Irsan Ramadhan, Oscar Erdiansyah, Jayarindra Sigit, Anissa Nuradi Putri and Dmust Akira.. Also Emmie Eka Noviyanti and Tio Prasetyo Utomo..

3. Abang None Jakarta Timur and DKI Jakarta, for the opportunity to broaden my horizon..

4. Trance Family of Indonesia and all across the world, for the music and passion..

5. All the DJs, MCs, VJs, Musicians and Music Lovers that crossed paths, for the friendships and supports..

6. My amazing step-sisters, for the talks and the walks.. Catherine Dhammamita Viriya and Gita Manohara Samsu..

7. College mates and teaching staffs of Architecture Department, University of Indonesia, that seemed to fade away lately, for all the helps and funs..

8. Indika 91.6 FM and Trax on Sky 101.4 FM families, for all the broadcasts and companions that I came to know..

9. Certain producers and band, for gave me and Aonyx chances to remix their song.. Riri Mestica, Louis Tan and Homogenic.. (Which not finished yet.. Sorry for the delay.. x_x)

10. The one that introduce me to CS that made me met all the wonderful people inside.. Sabrina Indri Lestari Siswopandoyo..

11. Certain event organizers and artist managements, for the cooperations and cool events.. Spinach, Synan Recordings, M1/43, Blade Indonesia, No Signal and FAXX U..

12. Certain clubs and places, for the willingness and kindness to support Aonyx's events.. Barcode, Kampus, Buddha Bar, 365, Domain, Brewww! and E Corner..

13. Additional singers, for all the helps in Aonyxlive's performances.. Charita Utamy, Leona Agustine and Muhammad Pandu..

14. The side-projects, hope we can realize our plan next year.. Satriawan Wiguna, Adrian Bramantyo, Laras Permata and Naztasha Cesty..

15. Michelle's Lair, for giving me a chance to fill in the vocalist position.. Ikhsan Siswanto and Al Birham Jamal..

16. Band mates from college, for all of our performances and studio sessions.. Rieky Jayanto Sunur, Stefanus Kurniawan, Imam Satria, Muhammad Ichsan Bayu, Putera Anarta, Rully Firmansyah and Damba Afnendar Arif..

17. Futsal and basketball players, for (somewhat) kept me feel healthy once in a while..

18. Instant Messenger and social networkings, for all the fun and usefulness.. Blackberry Messenger, Skype, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Soundcloud, Blogspot, CouchSurfing, Ravelex, Homses, and Blip..

19. Certain books, blogs and online manga scanlations, for all the refreshing words and pictures..

20. Certain photographer, for beautifully taken photographs.. Dimas Setiyono Rudijono..

21. Creative people from all across the world, for the inspirations and helps..

22. All of my friends that can be named one by one, for the trust and being there in my time of needs..

23. All clients, for the trust you've given..

24. Cigarettes, for being exist in my hand..

25. I reached the point "Crap.. I'm hoping that I'm not missing someone and something to be thanked for.. So, thank you all!!"

at last

26. GOD, for letting me breathing till this second to enjoy your creations..

27. And YOU!! For dropped some of your time to read this..

Hope for a better in 2011..

Thank you :)

Utopia, in search of...

Painful that is

Being unsatisfied..

What I've done, we've done, and others have done

Still not enough..

I called myself

Selfish.. Egomaniac.. Ambitious, maybe..

Well, Can't help it

I want more..

Strive, till the end of my lifeline

Not for you, not for anything in the world

I just want to put a sincere smile on my face

That's my utopia...

Day #9: Unfolding Sympathy

Such song can affect my mood greatly..

This one particular song, Unfolding Sympathy by Homogenic is the one I always successfully bring me to the most gloomy part of me (since the very first time this song lands on my ears). What a touchy-melancholy-melody and awesome lyrics! No melancholy song better than this one, for me.

I can't explain it here. You should hear it for yourself. The song is taken from Homogenic's second album, Echoes of the Universe. I'd like to hail Dina Dellyana and Risa Saraswati for the lyrics. Here they are:

Unfolding Sympathy

(Homogenic - Echoes of The Universe - FFWD Records - 2006)

Please show me how
Turn it back to ordinary
Just me killing all my sanctuary

Please lead me how
Giving courage to be haunted
Just me running from my deepest meanness

Why does it hard to explain
Why does it hard to let go

Rain comes falling
Cold surrounding my head
Can`t stop thinking

Fears emerging
Love still bleeding my mind
Can`t stop hiding

Why does it hard to explain
Feel like I`m ignoring the reason
Why I`m standing here to breath the air

Why does it hard to let go
Let my ears still learning to listen
How my heart try to escape from tears

DREAMS

Have you ever wondered about dreams? Dreams that you had when you are still a little kid, dreams of what you’ll become. Have you ever?

Well, I have. Maybe, I did it a little bit more than anyone else in the world. And if you knew me, ‘What was your dream?’ is, probably, a question I already asked to you. Is it? I always want to write about dreams, since several years ago. And I never make it, until now. Now, maybe you are wondering, ‘why dream?’

Let me take you to some of my dreams and the way I deal with them. Yeah, the story is about me. I can be a narcissist prick sometimes.

At 5 years old.
I was dreaming that I’ll be an astronaut. At that time, my parents had a poster of several occupations (the one with English translation, so my sister and I can start to build our English vocabulary). And I saw an astronaut picture. It was the coolest occupation beside everything else on the poster. And I can say that stars and space thingy are something that interests me. I even try to make astronomy my major in college. But, my parents won the debate. They said that I’ll have no future if I took this major, especially in Indonesia. What a shame. So, that was the dream crusher.

At 7 years old.
I was dreaming that I’ll be a professional football (soccer) player. I always love sport, several kinds of sport actually. But, I think, football will always be the one I consider as my favorite. In junior high, I join a football school in Jakarta. I practiced there for almost 2 years. It ended in high school. Long hours of study at school kept me from the afternoon practice. So I tell the coach that I won’t be able to continue, and he told me to back to the school when I finish my high school. Then I joined the basketball club in high school just to have a sport that I’ll do regularly. In conclusion, I failed to come back to the football school. Now, I just do futsal, as my sport, regularly on campus. On special occasion, like a tournament, I also play football and basketball. And that’s it for my dream of being a professional football player, it just faded away. Sports are just a little hobby of my own, now.

At 13 years old.
I was dreaming that I’ll be a musician, a rock star. I formed or joined a band, several bands to be exact. I played different music in different band. I played punk, grunge (hail to Nirvana), and several kinds of rock. It was Noir, a band that I formed in high school, that I thought will be the one for me to realize my dream of being a rock star. We even made and recorded songs of our own. As time goes by, we have to set our ways in different paths, with the bassist quit and the drummer gone out of town. Until now, I am still trying to form a band, but never succeed. While I am still trying, I also played for several bands in some campus’s events. And I am still trying, and still trying, I won’t give up this dream.

At 15 years old.
I was dreaming that I’ll be a writer. I always love a good writing, it can be a poem, it can be a novel, it can be lyrics of a song, and it can be anything, as long as it is good and fits my taste.Still at 15 years old, and out of my curiosity, I entered a short-story competition. With no hope and no expectation at all, my story made it to the final and ended up as the top 10. But, I can’t recall myself completed another story after that. It was hard, because I just wrote when the moods hit me. I remember myself wrote some poems, some lyrics and lots of pieces like this (on my old blogs). I even tried to write some plays, and one of them was brought to a real play for Abang None Jakarta Timur’s pageant in 2009. So much of a dream being a writer if I just wrote based on my mood. I know I’ll never make it to be a real writer. I just love to write, and maybe someone out there will be enjoying my writings. Just keep positive minds. Haha.

At 19 years old.
I was dreaming that I’ll be an architect. Being an accidental architecture student, I grew to enjoy architecture. But the dream was not hold on for long. I realized that being an architect is not my ideal job. I’d love to participate on some architectural projects, but that’s it. I refuse to make it into my daily job; it is just not for me.

At 19 years old. Still.
I was dreaming that I’ll be a professional photographer. This is the time that I got my own Digital SLR Camera, and then I started to learn the rope of being photographer. I never took a special course, just simply learning by doing. It’s not that hard, because I got some friends who also interested in this field. I even managed to get some extra money by taking pictures. It was not long, until someone told me about Lara Jade (thank you, Lalitia). Her works changed my perspective about photography. I grew to love fashion, beauty and conceptual photography. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a photo shoot. I hope I will be doing that anytime soon. Right now, I am planning to go overseas to learn more about photography. But maybe after I finish up school and gathered enough money to be able stand on my own. I hope you wish me luck. Haha.

At 20 years old.
I was dreaming that I’ll be a DJ. As I said before, I always love music. Electronic dance music is no exception. I enjoyed the dance music since I was a teenager. And at the age of 20, I join one of the best DJ school in Jakarta. The school that introduces me to some of the masters of electronic dance music scene in Indonesia. At the age of 21, with several of friends, I tried to form our own DJ management. And Aonyx was born. Specialized ourselves in electronic dance music scene, we tried to create events and produce some songs. I, myself, do hope that this little company will grow big in the coming years. We thrive and put lots of efforts to produce great records and performed many amazing shows. We do hope for the best for Aonyx.

WHOAAA! Quite dreams, right? And they are just the ones that I remembered. The truth, I am quite a radical dreamers. I even wanted to be a superhero, once. Haha. I try to follow my dreams, all of them if possible, maybe that’s why I ended up with standard skills, maybe less, in every field. I am not complaining, at least I’ve experienced all the fields that I put my interests in.

Back to the basic question, WILL MY DREAMS PAY MY BILLS?
For now, THEY ARE NOT. It is sad. I’d like to be able to do some jobs that I love. But, reality bites. We are live and evolve in the world of money. Even now, I am considering to take the nine-to-five kind of jobs (the kind of jobs that I think will not suit me well), just because I need the money to live and to keep my dream alive.

I do think that I’LL BE FEEL LIKE LIVING AS LONG AS I HAVE MY DREAMS TO BE GRASP.

So, my choice for now is living the reality and keeps chasing the dreams.

Do you think that I am greedy?
What about yourself? Do you live the way you want to? Or do you compromise to reality, even start to drift away from your dreams? Only yourself that knows the answers.